


Of Chaos and Angel Wings

by UmbraeCalamitas



Series: Become the Beast [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Wings, Archangel Gabriel (Supernatural), Cadbury, Cadbury!verse, Crying Gabriel (Supernatural), Crying Sam Winchester, Dreams, Feels, Fix-It, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Gabriel (Supernatural) is Clarence, Gabriel (Supernatural) is Loki, Gabriel Loves Sam Winchester, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, It's a Wonderful Life, Loss, M/M, Magic, Pain, Protective Gabriel, Romance, Sabriel - Freeform, Sam Winchester Needs a Hug, Sigils, Stanford Era, Tattoos, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Time Travel Shenanigans, Tricksters, so he gets one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 00:17:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16482470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbraeCalamitas/pseuds/UmbraeCalamitas
Summary: Sam Winchester wakes up to find Gabriel there. The conversation that follows is filled with pain, comfort, and some revelations.





	Of Chaos and Angel Wings

**Author's Note:**

> **A brief note about November:** I am participating in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) this year, like a _fool_. Unlike previous years, I will be focusing all of my writing attention upon my NaNo project. So for the month of November, there will be no updates on AO3. 
> 
> The first chapter of the next fic in _Become the Beast_ will be posted up on December 1st. I hope the double-update today makes up from the month hiatus.
> 
> Special thanks to WhinyWingedWinchester for all of her help with this fic. I hope you all enjoy it.

**Of Chaos & Angel Wings**

* * *

 

He woke to the feeling of fingers brushing through his hair, but the threat he might have felt didn’t rise to the fore of his mind. There was a sense of safety here that he rarely felt upon waking. The fingers that play across his forehead are lightly calloused, but the touch is gentle as they smooth back his bangs. 

His eyes opened slowly and he briefly took in the familiar ceiling of his apartment before his gaze settled on the man sitting beside him.

“Ga--Loki,” he said, correcting himself. 

The trickster’s smile was wry. “It’s Gabriel here.” His fingers trailed through Sam’s hair once more, tucking some locks behind his ears before he pulled his hands back and rested them in his lap. “How you doin’, Samoose?”

Sam stared up at Gabriel. There was something different about him. The mask of Loki that he had become used to in the times he had seen Gabriel here had been sloughed off like an old skin. There was more archangel here than trickster and Sam wasn’t sure why that seemed so very relevant, or what it could mean. 

“I’m all right,” he said, and pushed himself up after a moment of thought. There was a sober look to Gabriel’s expression that had him worried. The archangel pulled back enough to give Sam space to move, but he didn’t retreat any more than he had to. As he adjusted the pillows so he wasn’t sitting on them, he briefly took stock of Gabriel. The way the archangel’s eyes traced over his body in a move he recognized as checking for injuries, how his fingers were clenched tightly in his lap, as though his grip on the fabric of his jeans was the only thing keeping his hands still. Even so, his knuckles were white, telling of his straining muscles - something not even angel mojo could hide from a vessel.

“Are you?” He blinked down at the pants he was wearing - green sweatpants. He was pretty sure he had lain down for a nap in just his boxers. 

“Oh yeah. Always good.” He studied Sam for a long moment, his forehead creased lightly. “You’re not hurt from your fight with the poltergeist?”

Realization hit Sam. He had called out Gabriel’s name when he had been pinned by the poltergeist, so sure he was about to be impaled by the broken banister from the stairs. 

Gabriel hadn’t come, but it hadn’t been an issue, because Arthur had dealt with the problem. Sam had put it from his mind until Rey had mentioned it that morning at The Bean. He had originally thought that Gabriel had realized that the danger was passed, or that the archangel hadn’t wanted to unnecessarily reveal himself, either in front of Arthur or to the world in general, what with Sam having shouted his name out for all of Heaven to hear. 

He really needed to stop doing that. Gabriel was undercover, after all. Sam couldn’t go giving away the fact that he was still alive to his brothers. 

“I was bruised a bit,” Sam said. Being thrown up against the wall as he had would do that. “But it doesn’t hurt now.” 

Gabriel smirked. “Well, it wouldn't. You’re dreaming, after all.” 

“I’m… I’m dreaming?” 

“Yep!” Gabriel’s smile soured a little and he gave Sam an apologetic look. “That’s how I can be here, Samoose. Because you’re dreaming.” 

Sam thought about the way Gabriel’s fingers had brushed through his hair and something within his stomach curdled. He had to take a deep breath before he spoke. “So I… I’m imagining you.” He laughed but it didn’t come out right, and Gabriel’s mouth opened to say something, but Sam choked out, “So you’re not real.” Because, of course, this was just a dream. Of course.

He moved to get up, though he didn’t know where he planned to go. He supposed he could go anywhere. This was his dream, wasn’t it?

But before he could pull himself out of the bed, Gabriel grabbed his wrist.

“Let go of me.”

“Nope!” 

Sam swallowed hard. “This is my fucking dream,” he said, “and I’m in control.” He  _ was _ in control here. “So you have to let go of me.”

Gabriel grinned at him. “Samoose, when are you going to realize that I do what I want?” His fingers tightened on Sam’s wrist briefly. “So, yeah, you’re dreaming. But you know, just because it’s happening inside your head doesn’t mean it’s not real.” His grin softened into a smile. “I missed you, Sam.”

Sam frowned at him, confused. It really hadn’t been  _ that  _ long since he’d seen Gabriel. Granted, they’d been separated by god and sacrifice, with a audience to be aware of, but still.

“It’s been a bit longer than that for me, kiddo,” Gabriel said, apparently reading his thoughts on his face. “Somewhere around seven years one way and eight another.” Sam stared at him, his thoughts whirling, because no.  _ No _ . “I made sure you got out of the hotel okay, before I stuck it to my brother.” He chuckled bitterly. “Or tried to, at least.”

Sam’s breathing was very loud in his own ears. He could feel, like the pressure of a storm against his skin, the eruption of grace that tore through the hotel, ripping apart golden wings. There was a chain around his wrist, holding him in place, but he couldn’t have moved if he was free. The sound of a scream, like wind ripping through trees, held him fast. Something pressed up against his face and Sam lashed out, but it didn’t leave, instead curling up around the back of his neck, pressing against the taut muscles there at the base of his skull. 

He realized he was speaking only when his lips brushed against resistance, and he came to with an apology ringing over and over in his own ears, chanted through his mind like a mantra he lived his life by.  _ I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.  _

His words tangled with a sob. Fingers played through his hair, smoothing across the back of his head, and Sam realized his face was pressed up against skin. He tried to move his hand, only to find he couldn’t, and he moved his face away to look down at it. 

Gabriel’s fingers were wrapped tight around Sam’s wrist. Not enough to hurt, but enough to hold him in place. He turned his head to look at the archangel to find the honey-brown gaze wet with tears. “Hey, sugar. You back with me?”

Sam’s lips trembled and he had to swallow a few times before he could speak. Gabriel released his hands and brushed tears from Sam’s cheeks. He hadn’t even realized he was crying. “It was my fault,” he choked out. 

“Hey, now, where did you get a dumb idea like that?” 

He tried to answer but his words were swallowed up by a sob. He leaned forward, not sure if he would be welcome, but Gabriel’s arms came up around him and pulled him in close. Sam pressed his face into the hollow where Gabe’s shoulder met his neck, gulping down air in an attempt to swallow his sobs. Gabriel’s fingers slipped into his hair again, and then a weight, heavy and warm, draped itself across Sam’s back. It took him a moment to realize  _ wings _ , and he lost what little control he had over his emotions. 

Gabriel didn’t let go of him as he sobbed brokenly into his neck. Not just for Gabriel, dead by Lucifer’s hand for standing up for humanity, for Sam. He cried for all the people killed, for Jo and Ellen, for Bobby, for Castiel, for his brother. For the world, constantly on the brink of apocalypse, and for himself, forced to keep going through it all, trudging through death and through time, to find a way to save a world he was meant to destroy. Gabriel held him tight with arms and wings and just let him cry. 

Only when his sobs began to taper off did Gabriel speak more than murmurs meant to soothe. His fingers carded idly, absently, through Sam’s hair as he spoke, his lips tickling Sam’s temple. 

“Even angels have free will, Sam. We make our own choices, and I made my own that day in Elysian Fields Hotel. I won’t say you’re not a good part of the reason I showed up, but I also won’t lie to you and say I wouldn’t do it again in a heartbeat if it was called for.” He huffed a laugh. “Something about you Winchesters, I guess, that just keeps us besotted angels coming back for more.”

Sam gripped the edge of Gabriel’s jacket with one hand, while his other reached up toward the weight stretched across his back. His fingers touched warmth like sunlight, and movement, like wind, and he gasped against Gabriel’s skin and pulled away to look. 

Gabriel’s hand guided him back against his throat and he tutted through a laugh. “No looking, Samoose. Don’t wanna burn out those gorgeous eyes of yours.” His thumb trailed over Sam’s cheek and down his neck. “They’re a mess right now, anyway. You wouldn’t want to see them.”

“I bet they’re beautiful,” Sam whispered against Gabriel’s throat. 

“Hm… flatterer.” But the wings shifted and feathers like a summer breeze, warm and fragrant, brushed along his arms and danced between his fingers. It was like trying to hold the wind in his hand. Like trying to touch a season and grasp its edges in his fingers and his mind. Impossible to accomplish but so worth every second of its attempt. 

“Wish you were real,” he murmured, wiggling his fingers so the breeze of Gabriel’s feathers would twist around them like threads. 

“I am real, Sam.” Sam shook his head, but one of Gabriel’s wings thunked him lightly on the head and it was like sunlight peeking through a curtain and casting warmth on his skin. He couldn’t help a laugh, half amusement and half awe. “You can call me a memory, if you want, but it’s more than that. You went back in time to rewrite your universe, Sam, but the time you came from still exists. There’s more than a decade of time that you’ve lived but have yet to live sitting out there, and you’re both part of that universe and standing in a new one. It shouldn’t be possible.” He chuckled. “But when have you ever let that stop you?”

“What does that mean?” Sam asked. “You’re more than a memory?”

“Well, I’m part of a universe you still have a foot in. There’s Sam Winchesters and Dean Winchesters and Castiels and more awesome versions of me spread out all across these different universes, but there’s only one Dad and there’s only one Heaven. So there’s a… gathering point where everything meets. Angels can’t become ghosts, of course, but…” His wings tightened around Sam in a hug. “When have I ever let a little thing like impossibility stop me?”

“Wouldn’t be very trickster of you,” Sam murmured. 

“Exactly!” Gabriel planted a kiss in Sam’s hair. “And you know I love to defy their expectations.” 

“So you’re… you’re  _ my _ Gabe?” Sam asked. 

“Yeah, Sam,” Gabriel said, and there was an ache in his voice that might very well have been hope. “I’m yours.” 

“No, I mean… you’re…”

“I’m from your universe,” Gabriel said, “from your time. I stood between Luci and you, Kali, and your brother, and that’s the last you saw of me, I’m afraid. But it’s all right, Sam. I’m here now.” 

“But you died,” Sam whispered. “You died.” 

“It was worth it.” Gabriel chuckled. “Never would’ve thought I’d say that, Samshine, but you were worth every decision I made that day.”

Sam thought about it for a while, his face pressed up against Gabriel’s throat and the weight of his wings warm on his back. “How long can you stay with me?” 

“Dreams have this wonderful ability to transcend worlds, Samshine. Sometimes, humans have been known to visit friends in Heaven when they dream, and that’s without even knowing the way. I’ve been walking the paths between worlds for eons, so trust that I’ll find my way to you when you dream.” 

He sighed. Even if it was just a ghost of Gabriel, it would be nice to have him there. Someone from his time. Someone who knew the Sam he had been. Someone he could talk to about things. “A lot of stuff has happened since…”  _ Since you died.  _

“I know.” Sam made a sound of disbelief and Gabriel chuckled. “You’ve seen  _ It’s A Wonderful Life _ , haven’t you, Sam? Stories like that always come from someplace true. Of course, the bells and angel wings thing was complete garbage, but I couldn’t exactly go showing Bailey my real wings, now could I?”

Sam blinked. “You were Clarence?”

“Yep.” He wiggled his fingers in Sam’s view. “Time bubbles, Samoose.” 

Sam thought of  _ Heat of the Moment _ and strawberry pancakes. “What’s George Bailey got to do with everything that’s happened?”

Gabe snorted. “Who do you think came up with the idea of guardian angels, Samshine? Let me tell you - it wasn’t Mikey.” 

There was wind in his hair. Wings. Wings in his hair, tossing the locks about like he was driving with the windows down. All Sam could think was what Gabe’s rims would look like if he was turned into a car, and Gabriel made a sound of amusement at his distraction. Or maybe at his thoughts. They were in Sam’s dream. Could Gabriel see his thoughts?

“I’ve been keeping an eye on you, kiddo.” He chuckled. “Look at that - your very own guardian archangel. One of a kind and all for you.”

Sam cracked a grin and huffed out a laugh, warm against Gabriel’s skin. “Should I call you Clarence, then?”

“If you want.” Fingers and feathers trailed through his hair. “I’ll hear you just the same. That’s my name, too, same as Loki is.”

Sam thought for a while, before murmuring, “Sometimes I want to tell you… this universe’s you, about me coming back.” 

Gabriel snorted, his breath hot against Sam’s cheek. “Samshine, this universe’s me would’ve known you skipped back through time the moment he laid eyes on you. It’s twisted around you like ribbon. I can’t tell how you got back, but I could guess.” Sam could hear his smile, but Gabe didn’t ask. “So he knows you’ve come from the future, but I doubt he’s figured out why.” 

“He doesn’t know who I am.” Sam’s lips twisted. “We… we made sure.” 

“Oh?”

Sam leaned back from Gabriel slightly and he felt as the wings slipped away from around him, disappearing back to wherever Gabriel hid them when they couldn’t be seen. Sam leaned back and looked at Gabriel’s face. The archangel gave a soft smile and wiped the tears from Sam’s face with his thumbs. “You made sure?”

Sam nodded. He touched his fingers to the inside of his left forearm and carefully drew the sigil that had been wrapped around his skin with Castiel and Crowley’s protections. He felt it as the markings appeared across his skin. The Enochian sigils on his ribs and beneath his skin weren’t visible to the human eye, but he had no doubt Gabriel could see them now, as well as the tattoos that were spread across his flesh, painting his back, arms, and chest in color. 

Gabriel’s fingers trailed over Sam’s shoulder and down his arm, following the edge of the wing that had been tattooed there, honey-gold in color. The wings began at his spine, flowing over his shoulders in a fan of feathers and then stretching down his arms. The very tips of the wings tangled across his fingers, the primaries bleeding golden shadows along the inside of his arms. Runes, nearly invisible to the eye, glowed an eerie white along the edge of each feather. 

Sam turned his arm as Gabriel’s hand trailed own to run over the runes, and then the archangel slid his fingers between Sam’s and tangled their hands together. There were runes tattooed even in between Sam’s fingers and Gabriel laughed wetly as he looked at them. “Gold wings, Sam?”

“Like…” Sam swallowed. “Like your eyes.” 

He didn’t say anything about the runes around his fingers, the names written there, painted across his hands. They spoke for themselves.

“Sam,” Gabriel whispered, finally looking up from studying Sam’s hands. His mouth was slightly open, like he couldn’t think of what to say. Like he didn’t understand why Sam would tattoo wings across his back the same shade as Gabriel whiskey gold eyes, when the why was so simple.

He gave Gabriel a sad, nervous smile. “I missed you, too.” 

“Did you?” Gabriel asked with a quiet, choked laugh. He pressed his forehead to Sam’s.

Sam felt a tear slip down his cheek as he nodded. “So much.” 

“Well I’m here now,” Gabriel said, his hand curling around the back of Sam’s head. “And I’ll always love you in your dreams.” Then he leaned forward, sliding his mouth against Sam’s, and all Sam could taste was sunshine. His own fingers slid into Gabriel’s hair and he thought, for a moment, he might have even managed to hold a season in his hands. 

* * *

Sam blinked open his eyes in the near-darkness of his room and lay still, listening for what had woken him. The distant sounds of occupants in other apartments filtered through the silence, but there was nothing concerning that met his ears. 

He lay there a moment, trying to remember what it was he had been dreaming. It had been a good dream. He could feel that. It had been bright, he thought, full of sunshine and warmth. He thought perhaps he had been talking to someone. Dean, maybe? Or someone else…  

His fingers tightened, trying to catch the feeling, but it slipped through his grasp like a breeze. It left behind a sense of peace he had been lacking, however, so he took it as a win. 

Glancing at his clock, he saw that he had only napped for a little over an hour. He could catch a couple more hours of sleep before he had to get up and prepare for his first class tomorrow.

Sam closed his eyes and slipped easily back to sleep. Somewhere in his dreams, an archangel flapped his wings, and the world shifted. 

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr as TalkingToMyselfAgain.
> 
> And don't forget to visit the [Ask the Cadbury Egg blog](https://askthecadburyegg.tumblr.com/) to ask the characters a question.


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